Thursday, May 31, 2012
Another Note
More water damage. And it was run over by a truck. Full of poultry. At least twelve times.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Known members of the Order of the Knights of Thoth
1. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, writer
2. Sara Allgood, actress
3. Allan Bennettt, Buddhist
4. Aleister Crowly, occultist and mountaineer
5. Pamela Colman Smith, creator of the modern tarot deck
6. Robert Felkin, missionary
7. Bram Stoker, fiend
Stay thirsty.
-D
Saturday, May 26, 2012
A Beginning, of Sorts
It was on this day, 115 years ago, that Bram Stoker's novel DRACULA was published by Archibald Constable and Company in the UK. It was a little yellow hardcover with the title written in red lettering. I've posted a picture of my copy below.
The novel -- an epistolary exploration not unlike my STOKER -- challenged numerous conventions typically associated with Victorian culture, including colonialism, post-colonialism, anti-immigration sentiment, imperialism, the objectification of women and habits of the flesh. As your English teacher probably told you, most everything that happens in the novel has some kind of double meaning. As your English teacher probably didn't tell you, most of those double meanings don't actually mean anything and aren't really double meanings at all.
The character of Dracula, including his mannerisms and appearance, is believed to have been based on Bram Stoker's friend Sir Henry Irving, an actor who was very famous at the time but you've never heard of in your life; sort of like Matt Damon a hundred years from now. This is an outright falsehood. Stoker didn't base the character on Irving. Irving was never as good-looking as I.
As you are painfully aware, there is a tradition in theater and cinema of adapting, readapting, unadapting and overadapting the story of the vampire and his pursuer, and you have DRACULA to thank for the endurance of the vampire mythology, which has been most recently resurrected in the Tim Burton/Johnny Depp collaboration DARK SHADOWS.
The novel, referred to as horror, a thriller, gothic fiction (a term that is bandied about all too much) and fantasy, is often seen as the first real "invasion" story. And it is, too.
Just not the kind you'd expect.
Stay thirsty.
-D
Friday, May 25, 2012
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
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Wednesday, May 16, 2012
A Site on the Web
At least, I believe that's what they are called. My study of your culture is incomplete. Here is a rope -- a chain? a link? -- to my website. I warn you, mortal: Do not open this link in a library or park or animal shelter or snail garden or any public place. You will only hasten your discovery and demise. Not that I care very much for you, anyway. I'm just protecting my assets. It's always good to watch your assets. Especially when you have large assets, as I do.
Stay thirsty.
-D
Stay thirsty.
-D
Who I am, What I Want, and What You Can't Do to Help
My time is short.
Actually, no it isn't. I have an unfortunate condition which has made me immortal and given me a frightful taste for red, splashy messes. But my point is no less valid, for I don't know how long this message will remain on Blogger. Besides having terrible taste in uniforms (eggshell and violet are such awful colors), the Order is powerful. Even now, they're working to shut down my Facebook and Twitter pages before I can reach you. Even now, they're threatening and harassing and bargaining with Amazon so my story will not be told. Even now, they're buying up all the cream cheese at your local supermarket so I will have nothing to eat.
But the telling of my story has already begun. The seeds of revenge have already been planted. The wheels of destruction have already begun to turn. (Metaphors are almost as hilarious as humans.) Which is great for me, and not so great for you. Because, if you're reading this, the Order knows you exist. They know where to find you. They know that you're well on your way to understanding the secrets of Bram Stoker and myself, his creation, the vampire.
To them, that's a very crappy state of affairs.
So we must act quickly, which means you're not allowed to go through that very annoying, very human phase where you don't believe anything I say and start screaming and running around and waving your arms and shouting for a policeman or a firefighter or the dominant male in your school of fish. Listen:
My name is Dracula. Yes, that Dracula. I am a vampire. Normally, that would be a bad thing, but you'll soon find that there are things in this world much worse than I. If you're as suicidal as most people, you will help me expose those things to humanity so they can be examined and destroyed.
How can you do that? It's quite simple, really. When the time is right, I will begin posting fragments of my story on the human creation known as Amazon -- the only publishing outlet that didn't scream and run and wave their arms when I approached them -- so you can read about Bram Stoker and the Order and how they awakened this being that become known as Dracula. Until then, you can "like" my Facebook page ( http://www.facebook.com/TheRealDracula ) and follow me on Twitter ( https://twitter.com/#!/Dracula186 ). See how unoriginal mankind has made me? I'm starting to sound like the rest of you. It sickens me.
I will be using this Blogger account to keep you updated on the status of my affairs until my story -- the STOKER project -- begins. After that, I'll use it to post scans of documents -- emails, letters, diary entries, suicide notes, insane asylum logs -- to supplement my story and help you understand the evils of the man Stoker and his Order. In addition, I'll post polls, maps and sketches that will give you a direct link to me so you can help me discover the nature of Stoker's passion and the Order's threat. Of course, this can only occur as long as the Order keeps my account open. The moment they break through my defenses, you'll never hear from me again. Remain vigilant. This could occur at any time.
A final word of caution: You're putting yourself in danger. Actually, you already have. You've put yourself in danger, and your loved ones in danger, and your hated ones in danger. And the more you read, the more danger will follow you. You will start to notice things, strange people following you home, faces outside your children's windows, people who call you at night and hang up when you answer. The Order is powerful. I can't guarantee they won't kill you.
Please forgive me if I don't apologize. There are so many humans in the world. What does one or two matter to me?
Stay thirsty.
-D
Actually, no it isn't. I have an unfortunate condition which has made me immortal and given me a frightful taste for red, splashy messes. But my point is no less valid, for I don't know how long this message will remain on Blogger. Besides having terrible taste in uniforms (eggshell and violet are such awful colors), the Order is powerful. Even now, they're working to shut down my Facebook and Twitter pages before I can reach you. Even now, they're threatening and harassing and bargaining with Amazon so my story will not be told. Even now, they're buying up all the cream cheese at your local supermarket so I will have nothing to eat.
But the telling of my story has already begun. The seeds of revenge have already been planted. The wheels of destruction have already begun to turn. (Metaphors are almost as hilarious as humans.) Which is great for me, and not so great for you. Because, if you're reading this, the Order knows you exist. They know where to find you. They know that you're well on your way to understanding the secrets of Bram Stoker and myself, his creation, the vampire.
To them, that's a very crappy state of affairs.
So we must act quickly, which means you're not allowed to go through that very annoying, very human phase where you don't believe anything I say and start screaming and running around and waving your arms and shouting for a policeman or a firefighter or the dominant male in your school of fish. Listen:
My name is Dracula. Yes, that Dracula. I am a vampire. Normally, that would be a bad thing, but you'll soon find that there are things in this world much worse than I. If you're as suicidal as most people, you will help me expose those things to humanity so they can be examined and destroyed.
How can you do that? It's quite simple, really. When the time is right, I will begin posting fragments of my story on the human creation known as Amazon -- the only publishing outlet that didn't scream and run and wave their arms when I approached them -- so you can read about Bram Stoker and the Order and how they awakened this being that become known as Dracula. Until then, you can "like" my Facebook page ( http://www.facebook.com/TheRealDracula ) and follow me on Twitter ( https://twitter.com/#!/Dracula186 ). See how unoriginal mankind has made me? I'm starting to sound like the rest of you. It sickens me.
I will be using this Blogger account to keep you updated on the status of my affairs until my story -- the STOKER project -- begins. After that, I'll use it to post scans of documents -- emails, letters, diary entries, suicide notes, insane asylum logs -- to supplement my story and help you understand the evils of the man Stoker and his Order. In addition, I'll post polls, maps and sketches that will give you a direct link to me so you can help me discover the nature of Stoker's passion and the Order's threat. Of course, this can only occur as long as the Order keeps my account open. The moment they break through my defenses, you'll never hear from me again. Remain vigilant. This could occur at any time.
A final word of caution: You're putting yourself in danger. Actually, you already have. You've put yourself in danger, and your loved ones in danger, and your hated ones in danger. And the more you read, the more danger will follow you. You will start to notice things, strange people following you home, faces outside your children's windows, people who call you at night and hang up when you answer. The Order is powerful. I can't guarantee they won't kill you.
Please forgive me if I don't apologize. There are so many humans in the world. What does one or two matter to me?
Stay thirsty.
-D
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